your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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