He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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