yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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