you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize