How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
