woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
