one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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