Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
