im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
