My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
