Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
