You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize