never play flip cup with pint glasses
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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