We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
