Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize