i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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