I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
