If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
