Please, let me fuck your mom
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
