I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
