Is it because I queefed?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
