In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
