You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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