I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
