Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
