no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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