I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
