you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
