Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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