Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
