So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
