he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
