it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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