upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
