I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
