the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize