i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
