so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
