i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
