I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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