you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
