Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
