My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
