I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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