dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
