I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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