Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
