So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
