I want to have your abortion
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
