We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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