life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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