P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
