dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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