When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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