I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
