i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're like the curious george of whores
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize