we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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