3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
