"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
