i think my tv is drunk
I think my vagina is haunted
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
