If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize