Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
