I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
