alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She bit a glass in half.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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