He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
