I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
