70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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