My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
