Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
